Holly Pierlot
About the author: Holly Pierlot is a mother of five, grandmother of eleven (and counting) who lives in Prince Edward Island. Holly has a Masters in Catholic Pastoral and Educational Studies from Maryvale Institute, Birmingham, England, and has spent her life as an out-of-the-box Catholic educator: from homeschooling children to tutoring children with learning disabilities; from being a catechist to being an author (most notably, A Mother’s Rule of Life from Sophia Institute Press). Holly has held other leadership and administrative roles over the years, such as catechetics coordinator, pastoral council chair, homeschooling coop founder, and President of the local PEI Right to Life association.
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Never in human history has there been such a plethora of time management tools as in our present day. We’re very conscious of the scheduling of time, and meticulously obey all sorts of bells, dings and gongs emanating from our phones or computers, beckoning us to work and to accomplishment. Such fidelity to our scheduled “To Do” lists and routines really can increase our personal and professional efficiency and effectiveness.
Yet by itself, such efficiency may not be holy.
It may do little to advance our closeness to the Lord and the fulfillment of our particular personal calling on earth.
This is a striking thing to ponder: am I really living God’s will in my life? Is what I am doing bringing me closer to God in a discernible way? Or am I just spinning my wheels? Distinguishing a mere schedule from a rule of life can help us answer these very questions.
1. What is a rule of life?
A rule of life is a pattern of daily and seasonal living, lived as a response to the Will of God, based upon the priorities of one’s vocation. This is a routine built upon one’s holistic vocation, not upon a few reductionist elements of our work or family lives.
A rule of life attempts to meet the all-encompassing responsibilities of our common human nature and our particular personal mission: as a human being and an “I” created in the image of God; as a man or a woman, husband or wife, called to selfless love; as a parent, a religious, or a single person; as a citizen, a worker, and a steward of God’s creation.
The most essential aspect of a rule of life, however, is that our lives are lived intentionally as a response to the Will of God in our lives—as a grand “Yes” to the Divine Plan manifested in our daily duties.
A rule of life allows us to live well, ruled neither by urgency nor emergency, nor floating moment by moment on the whims and breezes of caprice, nor dominated by the oppression of sloth’s “I don’t want to . . .”
A rule of life allows us to live, instead, with intention, recollection, and receptivity to the God who loves and guides us, directed, as Pope Francis noted in “Dilexit Nos,” by our hearts—that coordinating centre of our being.
Throughout the history of the Church, there have been deep traditions of a “rule of life,” especially within religious life—St Benedict’s Rule being the most famous and most accessible to us today. Having assessed what he perceived as the essential meaning of Christian and human life, of the very core of the Gospel, Benedict goes on to ensure its “translation“ into the “how” and “when” of the nitty gritty details of life, with advice on what, where, when and for how long—to pray, to eat, to sleep, to work—with instructions on everything from meals and kitchen chores, to manual labor and taking trips.
What is striking and relevant here is the reflective forethought and the supernatural aims that animate that practical application of the Gospel into the daily life and schedule of the monastery.
2. I’m not a monk, so why should I have a rule of life?
One of the most striking things about Vatican II was the re-affirmation of the universal call to holiness. Regardless of our state in life, be it cleric, religious, or lay, the call of Jesus is, and always has been, addressed to each one of us: “Come and follow me” (Mt 4:19); “Be perfect, then, as your Heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt 5:48); “For this is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Th 4:3).
Gone now, hopefully, is the erroneous notion of a two-tiered holiness, where only the ordained priest, or the monastic monk, or the nun in a convent can reach the depths of intimacy with God, and that our secular vocation as laity is, by nature, some kind of impediment to a deep contemplative relationship with God and a holy, virtuous life.
For sure, how we spend our time living in the world, working in the world, loving in the world can be distracting and full of temptations, and as lay persons, we can too easily be led astray—just think about the daily noise and bombardment from the media alone! But perhaps, for that very reason, the lay person may need a rule of life even more than those who live in a more protected environment like the quiet monastery on a hill.
3. What are its benefits?
A rule of life, faithfully followed, can lead to all the same human benefits as any form of time management: increased productivity; the establishment of a basic order in one’s life; the accomplishment of one’s daily responsibilities; less stress; more peace and calm; a more organized and harmonious family or community life.
There is much talk today about “decision fatigue” and how in our busy world, with its hurried and hectic pace, we can easily become emotionally and mentally overwhelmed. A rule of life can remove the overload, because everything that is essential to our vocation is already accounted for and developed into solid routines, thus reducing the active urgency of constantly deciding.
A rule of life helps us to grow in the ability to stay “recollected,” not just in the human sense of mindfulness or intentionality, although it includes that. Freedom from decision making and excessive problem solving leaves the heart open to an encounter with the Lord.
Through this subsequent inner dialogue and divine presence, we can be fed and nourished by grace. The Holy Spirit’s movement and visitations are no longer barred by stressors or blocked by distractions. Instead, there is a waiting and attentive heart, swept clean of the clutter and debris of busyness and worry, already in dialogue with God, and open to receiving more of the gifts God is so willing to give.
A most surprising effect of living a rule of life with fidelity of intention is the experience of a clear conscience, knowing that we are and have been consciously choosing to respond to God’s Will at each moment and in every task.
But most importantly, a rule of life, unique in its aim as a lived response of fidelity to God’s direction—and practiced with a disciplined human will in a spirit of recollection, with a heart set upon Him—a rule of life leads to God Himself. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Mt 5:8).
4. How do I go about making a rule of life? What should I include?
Creating a rule of life takes some serious thought and prayer.
Reserve some time to ponder it—in a cozy chair, a coffee on the side table and pen and paper (or tablet) in hand—perhaps over the course of a couple of weekends. It helps to ask essential life questions, based upon our shared human nature, our own particular life situation, and our specific vocation and community context where the Lord has placed each of us.
An examination of the four relations of the human person and its applicability to our unique circumstances can be a guiding light in “translating” the Gospel into our own lives through a rule of life.
As human beings, we are in deep relationship with God, with ourselves as body and soul, with others, and with all of creation. These define our essential mission, common to all, with the particulars left up to our unique calling. Assessing their meaning in our rule of life depends upon asking ourselves some basic questions—What am I called to? How long will it take me? When can I do it? Where? With whom? And for parents especially, What will the children be doing while I do this?
If we have an inflexible work schedule with set hours and days that don’t alter, we can write down the days and times when work occurs, and if we work outside of the home, write also the duration of the commute to and from work. The rest of the time is then ours to manage.
Walking through some sample questions can get us started:
I. The First Relation: God
Since God is our origin and our destiny, our source and summit, when starting a rule of life prayer is our top priority. Even if our rule begins only with our prayer life, we are farther ahead than the most secular of schedules. It would not be neglectful to simply start here and see where that leads us regarding the rest of a rule of life after this is established.
· What do I consider the most basic faith practices in the life of a Catholic, or a Christian?
· The Church has always recommended morning and evening prayer every day—when am I going to do this? How long do I think is reasonable for a Christian to pray during these times? How am I drawn to pray? Do I need to examine different ways to pray before I choose? Write it down.
· What about Mass? Do I want to attend daily or weekly? When can I block out time for this? What happens before I get to Mass? How long does it take to drive or walk there? Write it down.
· What about spiritual reading? It’s really healthy to read something Catholic or Christian every day, as it contributes to our ongoing intellectual and spiritual formation in the Faith. Am I attracted to the Bible in a Year? A Catholic catechism? A special saint’s writing? The newest teachings of the Pope? What is drawing me? When can I set aside time to ponder? How often can I do this? How much time do I think is reasonable? Write it down.
· What about confession? Many saints have recommended once a month. What do I believe is best? When is it offered in my area? Write it down.
· Are there other devotions or areas of faith practice that I think are important to include in my life, such as the Rosary, or Divine Mercy chaplet? Spiritual direction or prayer group? Do I want or need to include these every day? every week? every month? Could I set up some rotating schedule to do these? What do I truly believe is best? Write it down.
II. The Second Relation: Our Holistic Health
Made of body and soul, we want to attend to each aspect of our holistic health as a form of stewardship according to the plan of God.
· How long do I need to sleep every day in order to function well during the day? I need to pay attention to myself for a week if I do not know the answer to this. When, then, can I set a bedtime? a rising time?
· How often do I need to eat during the day to provide my daily nourishment and energy requirements? When are the most suitable times of day for meals? Are there other people in my life that I need to work this out with? When do I need to go into the kitchen, then, to make food? When will I clean up the dishes? When will I plan and then get the groceries? Write it down.
· What do I believe is a reasonable amount of exercise to maintain my basic health? What types of exercise am I drawn to? When could I do this? Where? With whom? Write it down.
· For my intellectual health, what do I think is necessary to do to keep my mind sharp and my knowledge base solid for living my faith or my human life? How long is reasonable per day or per week? What am I drawn to study? When can I slot this in? Write it down.
· Since emotions are a bridge between body and soul, and are moved likewise by both the flesh and the spirit, attending to our prayer and to our physical and spiritual needs will usually help emotional health. But if there are other aspects of the past or present that have affective impact, we may need to pay more attention.
· Do I need to see a counsellor? Do I need special down time? Do I need to read about emotional health, or to journal, or do I need a stress buster in my life? When am I going to do it? How often? For how long? Write it down.
III. The Third Relation: Our Social and Personal Relationships
We live and exist by and in community and there are three memberships of regular concern—the family, the church, and the civic society. This relation is about the people in our life, about our lived relationships with them, and about our responsibilities.
As a member of a family, we have any number of relationships: husband-wife; parent-child; siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. (If one lives in a religious community, priority would be given here.) Not all of these people require the same amount of attention and responsible care from us.
· Who are the family members in my immediate daily life? What are my responsibilities toward each of them? How much personal time do I believe they need from me every day? every week?
· Are there any duties I owe on a regular basis? When am I going to spend time with them? Are there routines and life structures (such as meal times, extracurricular commitments, etc.) that require my involvement? When am I going to do these? Can I set aside a time daily, weekly, or monthly to accommodate these? Write it down.
This relation includes all the responsibilities of a human, academic, Christian and Catholic education for children as well.
We can ask the same types of questions for the other two societies—as a member of a local parish, or as a citizen of a local, provincial, or national society.
It helps to focus on things that are actually regular enough that we need to place them in a rule of life, unlike our civic duty to vote that is a sporadic responsibility. It also helps to attend to areas that are so essential that they are impossible to leave out—such as running a child to tutoring for a reading disability. These may or may not be permanent, but certainly are urgent and necessary over a specific time frame, and so need to be included until circumstances change. In the event that we are overwhelmed, a reexamination of commitments is in order.
IV. The Fourth Relation: Stewardship of Creation
Like Adam and Eve, we too are “placed.” We too are called to have dominion over our own little part of Creation. This usually entails the stewardship and care of our home and our workplace, and includes the responsibilities that relate specifically to home management and income production, as well as the professional and vocational mission of our jobs.
As for any aspect of a rule of life, we need to break down the various tasks and duties into bite-sized chunks, formulate a response based on their meaning and needs, and determine the answers to what, when, where, how and for how long.
Briefly here:
· What are the various areas of home life that need a considered response? Here would be food preparation, financial management, home maintenance, housecleaning, laundry, etc. What are the needs in each area? When is it going to be done? By whom? For how long? Write it down.
· What are the various roles and responsibilities of my work? What do I have to do? When am I going to do it? Where? For how long? Write it down.
5. How do I prioritize what to set in stone and what to leave spontaneous?
We are fallen yet redeemed creatures, not known for immediate sainthood nor for rock-solid consistency. Thus, it is best to focus on the most fundamental and essential elements of each of the relations, as opposed to seeking a naive perfectionism that adds too much and tries to take on too much. We probably won’t be able to scrub down the entire bathroom every single day, or study for an hour every day before supper. It is better to be an Aesop’s tortoise than an overconfident hare.
There will always be the temptation to attempt too much, and it is a temptation, which will lead to failure and discouragement. A humble acceptance of our limits is good.
Focus on simplicity and essentiality; on things that need to happen every single day and relate directly to our essential human and Christian vocation—prayer, sleep, family time, meals, work, etc. Highlight what are considered the most basic habits, the most bare-boned routines necessary. That way, we can accomplish them on a great day and on a not-so-great day.
The goal, remember, is to foster recollection and receptivity to God in our daily life, in the midst of our daily duties. It’s not about productivity for productivity’s sake alone.
6. Should I have a rule of life approved by my pastor?
Twenty years ago, I would have said yes, because I myself had done this and found it an aid to “practicing obedience,” thus assisting in the removal of my self-will and whim, and holding me accountable to an external source. At the time, I was thrilled to have this option. So, it’s possible to request this if you trust your pastor.
Having grown in my own vocation as a lay person though, I would no longer do this. Pastors are co-workers with the laity in the vineyard of the Lord, and they do not hold the level of hierarchical responsibility over the lay person to the same kind of extent that a superior does over the religious in a monastery.
So, while the advice of a competent and faithful pastor, or any other deeply virtuous and spiritual person, can be relevant, I think now that the laity have enough counsel at their fingertips from a wide variety of sources, and that they can and should “come of age,” by harnessing the dignity, grace and competency in their own lay state. As lay persons, I think our obedience is best given to the Lord and empowered by the Lord.
7. I’ve made a rule of life, but my circumstances have changed. My work schedule is also irregular (10 on, 4 off, or alternating day and night shifts). How do I set a rule with regular changes? Can I change my rule? How flexible can it be?
Flexibility is key. It’s best to stay in assessment mode—“Is this really working for me?”—and to adjust if it’s not.
For shift work, there would be a need to examine both types of daily work schedules, setting different patterns for days we work, or days we don’t, with attention to day and night changes as needed. The key would be to focus on those essential daily duties that need to occur, whether one is working day or night, or on or off work.
It also helps to re-examine and adapt the rule of life regularly and/or once a year, or with any great change of life. A rule of life is a tool, not a tyrant. “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath” (Mk 2:27).
Keep in mind though: a rule of life is really a “beginner’s tool.” It is a way to bring to awareness one’s core responsibilities, to begin to align them with daily life, to form oneself to fidelity, all the while learning how to get to the heart—that deep, intimate, ongoing encounter and dialogue with the Lord.
The “training tool” is this: “To do all for You, because You ask it of me, out of love for You,” no matter what that “to do” looks like or when it occurs. There comes a point when one realizes that the schedule element of the rule of life is secondary to this primary intention of the heart and the recollection to which God invites us.
This enables us to accept that the schedule changes, life upheavals, sick children, job changes, family visits and any other number of schedule breakers are to be taken in stride, because our hearts have learned to focus upon “the one thing necessary”—life lived consciously and intentionally as a response to the call of God, in whatever form that presents itself to us, moment by moment.
So, like early phonics instruction eventually gives way to reading with meaning and automaticity, a rule of life trains us to live habitually in the presence of God, with meaning and focus as it forms us in habitual virtue.
At the same time, it’s very easy to rationalize throwing a rule of life to the wind! Similar to reading instruction, if we don’t have the phonics code down pat, we won’t be able to read with precise meaning; so too, if we have not submitted ourselves to the discipline of the rule of life until it becomes second nature, we may be missing elements of the training code that won’t permit us to accomplish what we set out to achieve—unity with God.
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Something really relevant to crafting a rule of life is to become aware of the contrast of our modern digital time management with the context in which the Gospels and all of Scripture were written.
In Jesus’ time, life was lived according to the rising and setting of the sun, and the measurement of shadows upon the wall or the steps outside. Anytime between dawn and dusk was “12 hours,” and hours reflected more a division of the day into chunks, than into sixty-minute intervals. There were no timetables, no “clocking in” at work, no “appointment at 10:30.” Jesus would have lived and taught within this vague, natural progression of time. He would have risen at sunrise, chanted the obligatory Shema prayer, eaten, and begun his work. Life was slower, without hurry, and focused on the essentials of living a subsistence economy, and the surprises of daily living.
Our society has lost something here. As Christians, we may have lost something too.
Pondering the example of Jesus’ own experience of “time” in first-century Israel, or the spiritually-charged lives of the laid-back monastics of Benedict’s time, might be thought provoking and life-enhancing examples for those of us who live in our nanosecond-measured technological society.
In crafting our rule of life, we may need to consider the extent of our enmeshment with the “scientific exactitude of measured time.” We may need to attend more to the natural rhythms of creation and our bodies in order to be more spiritually fruitful.
Our lives and our time are sanctified more by a holy intention than by fidelity to a clock.
It is more important to accept the direct invitation of God to live a life of Christian mission than to be driven by an exactitude of mechanized time measurement.
Welcome to a rule of life.
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